Relationship / Man and Woman.

Posted by admin | January 27, 2010

Whether you are single or in relationship, it is seen that ultimately there is no difference between the two. It is the same love, no different, just a different expression in the appearance of it. They are the same at source.

In truth, you see that no relationship actually exists in the timeless, (that which is prior to time and space), because it’s clear there is nobody to have a relationship with; just beingness, that’s all there is, but here in form as man or woman, in the living of life in time, there certainly is a fascinating and wonderful appearance and expression of relationship as man and woman. A wonderful dance of the masculine and feminine; which is meant to be thoroughly enjoyed.

Relationship  triggers up everything that  appears to have become separated out from love, from the source of all. It is a fire that brings maturity, if one is willing to get very real and honest with each other. That is real love.
For….”What is the point of a dishonest Love?” as Barry Long so aptly puts it.

Being single is purposeful also, as it triggers up other aspects. Both have their place and their time.

As Barry Long used to say;  “Love brings everything up”. …..as it must!

This article is not just about the recognition of ones true nature , but it is about the actual practical day to day living in the world of form as man and woman and Making Love.

Not only are we the space in which everything arises, we are also here as human beings and as either male or female expressions of humanity.

Barry Long once stated that the hardest thing on this planet for man to  really love is woman, yet this is his true calling, above and beyond everything else.  He said it is what man , is built to do and that it is his true purpose. He said that when man truly loves woman, in a real and honest way, it gives him the authority of being a true man and woman loves mans true authority. In this she relaxes and surrenders completely and drops fully into the beauty of the  feminine and in that, she is then able to release fully all that sweetness to him, which secretly he wants more than anything else. This is what transforms them both!

He also said and I find this to be true that woman will easily give all her love to a man like this, a man who is willing to take her on fully like this, with all her flaws and his ! That is real love. Then he is a very lucky man! All that female sunshine pours onto him and all that sweet nectar of the female is released to him. However, most of the time, man, in his present state, as Barry, would say, really struggles with this. He fears his independance will be gone and that he may get  trapped, hence mans restlessness.

When man loves one woman truly all the way, he is loving all women and in this, he receives his authority as a true Man.

Years ago when I first heard Barry Long  , I knew beyond all knowing I was hearing the truth. Tears of love sprang forth as a woman  to finally hear Man speak like this. The feminine, ‘She’, behind all women responded in gratitude. ’She’ came alive again in me that day in a way that she hadn’t before, because finally I had heard a Man of  True Authority speak the truth.

However these are still concepts and ideas of man and woman and at the time I took them on as spiritual concepts. Now that has changed because one has to investigate and put all this to the test to see in ones own life,  if this is true. Barry is simply pointing to what has been discovered directly as man, in his profound seeing of woman and love.

This is something, I, here as the female form am still investigating and discovering more and more, and what is being discovered now is a natural outflowing of compassion for the little human beings that are trying to do their best.

Barry goes on to say that woman is always calling man to his true Authority, that is her purpose, as love, to do so. Man deep down knows this is his true calling, but regales against it through fear of losing his independance and so lashes out at woman and so she does the same . This is of course completely understandable in the present condition of man and woman. Yet if he heeded that clarion call, he would regain everything, the authority of a true man and the freedom that comes with it.  He fears the reponsibilty of this, but it’s not what he thinks it is. It frees him in a whole new fresh way. Barry Long ,  would talk about the restlessness in man, the boredom he experiences and how he finds it hard to stay open to and love just one woman. Yet doing so would ultimately be freeing for him.

He says it is easier for woman to love man than the other way around, but that this can easily be remedied and addressed and so  bring back  true balance on the planet.

One needs only to be willing. It only takes the love of a good man and the love of a good woman, who are both willing and where both feel safe to express their feelings and be treated with kindness wherever possible.

Barry Long was very clear and got straight to the point when he spoke about this : He sated categorically, if man and woman are to have any chance of having a true and  loving and lasting relationship, then , they must put the relationship before everything else,( other than love/god/truth/ of course). The relationship, must come before work, friends and other family, otherwise it will collapse as a true relationship and you will eventually grow distant and lose each other. Only honesty can close that gap.Once you put your man or your woman and truth first,  then all other relationships come into harmony, and all are  loved equally and differently. But Barry , states  unequivocally, that your first priority is loving your partner and the truth and the honesty of that partnership before all else. This brings balance to everything else in the life.

Children actually love this and thrive in a family where the parents are prioritizing the relationship as they feel secure and loved and lovable, when they see their parents enjoying spending time together and truly loving each other like this. This is because they see themselves as extensions of their parents and thus their parents love. They know they are a true love child,  born of love.

It’s a beautiful role model for love on the planet. It doesn’t negate a parents love of their children at all by prioritizing the relationship with your partner, infact the love flowers even more for the entire family. It is a gift for all when two people are willing to love each other like this. Male and female polarities in harmony, is a powerful and potent elixer of love, of life.

This is not about  falling in love, as wonderful as that may be, it’s about growing into love with each other, because what falls in love, also falls out of love, as we’ve all experienced, and that’s ok too, because that’s when real love has a chance to blossom.  This is rather about ‘being in love, the flaws and all, the actual reality of what loving really is. It’s  about ’maturing in love’ with each other, not falling in love, because you will inevitably fall out of love, ,……………… then a true ’growing in love’ with each other can blossom. Love brings the opposites of life together , the only two polarities on this earth are either male or female.  Thus there can’t help but be some friction, some conflict in bringing these two opposites  together. It’s like mating two completely different species! That’s the challenge.

Male and female however, are obviously made for each other and at the same time trigger up anything that gets in the way of them being together fully in harmony as one.

I’m only speaking of heterosexual relationship here. This does not discount in any way, same sex relationship, where one may be more masculine and one more feminine.  All has its place and all is well.

So for our purposes lets just stick with the male / female polarity overall.

Bringing these two polarities together is never straight forward, there are many twists and turns on the journey of relationship and relating.

Yet there are times in any relationship when these two come into harmony, as one, with each other. It is  very challenging yet ultimately enjoyable. The ultimate paradox of life has come together! That’s  why human love is a  beautiful thing. It unites the conscious male/female polarity on the planet. There is nothing wrong with personal human love between two people but if you personalise the love then you will suffer if one leaves. Here the personal and impersonal come together , loving personally without personalising your love. Love or life will bring you together and life will part you when the time comes.

Barry Long would say that this is how love embodies and activates fully on the planet through the love of the male and female and especially through making love, rather than just having sex . Sex is a momentary satisfaction and superficial whereas making love reaches into the actual depths of love. He said a great light is made with true lovemaking.  That embodying love on the planet is potently made through the male and female making love and part of humankinds evolution on Earth. It’s loving the counterpart of your self !?

Relationship is a wild and beautiful beast, slowly being tamed by loves sweet kiss and caress. We never know how long we have with each other,  2 weeks, 2 months, 2 years or 20 years, but what ever love brings up, triggers up, it is purposeful in the life. It is only what is appearing as unlove requiring the light of loving awareness to bring it home.

If the relationship has served its purpose, and the two have gone as far as they can go with the capacity they have then it can be lovingly surrendered back to love and life itself.

Honesty is love. A true and real relationship will challenge each other from time to time. Then all can be seen, see it as love/life’/God doing it for you.

Old patterns and reactions get triggered up in relationship from our childhood, our genetic patterning and cultural conditioning . That is understandable. It is maturing the humaness in us all. What is required is just an acceptance of these aspects just as they are. Nothing can be different until it is. Everything is the way it is, simply because it is. It’s no ones fault.

This doesn’t mean you stay in a bad relationship. If the relationship is harmful, dishonest, unloving or toxic, there may be a movement in you to leave. You will leave when you leave and not until you do. It will all get done. Life  will unfold it, it’s Gods life and perhaps all you can do is ask ‘life itself as life itself ‘ for clarity as it all unfolds and see what life is wanting to be seen.

All you need do is bring the spaciousness of you, the conscious awareness to you, to yourself, to whatever is arising. Be still, quiet and tender with oneself and just notice that you are here, that there is a sensation in the body of some energy of movement which is an old emotional reaction. No need to interpret or psychoanalyse it . It’s only old pain ’ requiring release, that’s all. Nothing wrong with pain. Be easy with it. This is easily done with your soft and quiet attention. It will, with your unmoving gentle gaze eventually dissolve.

It’s simply bringing  light to that which has momentarily forgotten it is consciousness itself. That’s all.

Therapy/counselling can all be helpful to a point, and help you to be more honest and to support acceptance of feelings just as they are and  therapies true purpose is to free you.

Having been a Counsellor for some years now I see therapy can certainly improve upon ones  personality etc and make ones relationships and life somewhat easier. It has it’s place place, but ultimately  only you as life  can take you to you and you have no control over that! The paradox once again. Once you have tasted your true self or true nature there is an ‘ease of being’ that wells up in the life, in your relationships with others and with all situations, no matter how challenging. It is a ground of peace and ‘well being’ that is now palpably sensed behind all thoughts and emotions or reactions etc. What is  noticed is they get less and less charged, until they have little or no charge left, or they erupt and are gone as quickly as they came with no residue. They no longer stick and get stuck anymore, they simply wash through, because  any belief in them has gone or is dissipating.

This is why relationship is purposeful because it is one of the most challenging human experiences  , because it does naturally mature us in a way that only love can do.  There is a fear of growing up and maturing, it’s okay, it’s part of the psyche of the times, this only needs to be seen and accepted and all the transformations come from there.

Simply be willing to love and see what happens. Be willing to come forward to each other and see what unfolds.

Your partner will do what they do, say what they do, react how they do. You can’t do anything about it, all you can do is be honest with your self and be honest with whatever is triggered or arises in you. Keep the attention, the awareness on you and everything will unfold from there. We are not separate from each other so what is done and undone in you is reflected in your relationship with your partner, sometimes immediately. It is very surprising. Sometimes you will speak a frustration/ a feeling or concern out to them if need be, and that is right and sometimes there is no need to say anything, as you stay with you. Simply stay honest with oneself as to what is arising. Otherwise the relationship will struggle to  mature or flower.

This is the responsibilty or vigilance required to see the moment of choice within the choiceless arising of everything.

The only choice you actually have is to see in any moment what is choicelessly arising and to bring the space of who you are tenderly and gently to the emotion or old reactive pattern.

Allow yourself to not know and in this ‘not knowing’ a space opens up to the openness that is already fully here, fully alive and then true intelligence, true inspiration unfolds. Wait in this space until you see what to do , then act from here.

“Wait and see” as Papaji used to say.

I used to have a need and a not need scenario going on for relationship. A longing and a fear of man/relationship. When the need/not need dissolved what was left was a natural openness , a natural inclination towards man, as a woman, towards relating as man and woman without personalizing it or being attached to it. The need and the resistance to relationship had dissolved. What was left was a capacity to truly love.

I see that love brings everything home.

Jane Hunter

January 2010